So here I am again. For the one millionth time. Disgusted by my eating habits, embarrassed by my body, incapable of motivating myself to exercise and feeling like I just want to hide from the world.
You know the drill… Lost the weight more times than I can count. Swore I’d never let myself “go” again. Somehow ended up right around the same weight I always do.
I stew on that cycle for a bit, imagine I can actually feel my skin stretching to accommodate that pound of Twizzlers I just ate and wish at every 11:11 that it would somehow magically just go away.
Well, it ain’t going to. I have to work at this… Hard. And the thing that helps me more than anything is writing about my feelings and putting them out into the world, even if no one reads them.
I’ve done it a million different ways, made a million little rules and contraints. Right now I’m not sure how I’m going to do it. What I do know, is that I’m too fragile for the scale right now.
So I’m going to give myself one month to get my act together, to feel more confident and in control, before I do an official weigh-in on July 7.
In the meantime, I’m just going to focus – not on being perfect, but just being better than I was yesterday.